04 Mar 2002, 02:10

I’m dead. In fact, I

I’m dead. In fact, I have been for some time. I just thought it would be best if you heard it from me, you know? I’m sorry, this must be a difficult time for you. No, you can’t have my cds, you vulture. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson about faking my own death scams after the one that backfired so horribly on me last year, but it seems not. See, there was this great free (but not anymore) website imbot.com that you could use to send automated computerized voice messages to any phone number. I suppose there may be some legitimate uses for a service like that, but to my roommates and I it was the ultimate prank phone call tool. For some reason, I thought it would be hilarious to have it call my parents and tell them it was an automated morgue phone calling service letting them know that I had perished horribly and all they had left of me was my head. It seemed to me that this was morbid enough to be funny, but not at all believable. You see where this is going. The only one at home at the time was my sister (my poor, dear, sweet sister) who overhead the message as it was being recorded to the answering machine. Only she didn’t hear the whole thing, most notably the part about only having my head which I had hoped would be the part that made it too absurd to believe. All she heard was a computerized voice saying that I was dead, which she believed. (At this point, I’d like to take a moment to address the concern that you are feeling that I am a horrible person. You are absolutely right, I am a horrible, horrible person.) Naturally, she didn’t take the news too well, and called my dad at work to tell him to come home. It was just after that that I called home to see how everyone was taking the news, but instead of mildly amused parents I found myself talking to my bereaved sister who certainly wasn’t expecting me to call from beyond the grave. Boy, did I feel like a jackass. Fortunately, she forgave me and even still speaks to me. I only hope someone learns a lesson from this, but its obviously not me because this time I’m really really dead. I mean it.