18 Sep 2005, 02:31

A cautionary tale


Originally uploaded by willgorman.

Maybe you’re like me and you find yourself unable to resist trying out the different novelty and seasonal variations of snacks and pop. Maybe if you saw candy corn flavored soda on a store shelf you might think “Hey, that’s worth a try” instead of shaking your head and walking right on by as any sane person would do. If that’s you, let me do you a favor with a word of advice: don’t. This was hands down the worst pop I’ve ever had, and as those that know me are aware, I’m not exactly picky about pop. The first clue after you open the can that something isn’t right is the color. It’s a yellow more strikingly unnatural than Mountain Dew highlighter fluid yellow. I don’t want to say it looks like dark yellow urine, but it doesn’t not look like dark yellow urine. If that’s not enough to dissuade you there, we can move on to the taste. It tastes nothing like candy corn. You might think that’s a good thing as pure liquified candy corn does sound fairly repellent. This is worse. It starts off with a short burst of citrus taste that fades into a kind of syrupy, almost buttery taste. It’s kind of like someone poured melted butter rum lifesavers into a Mountain Dew, and it’s every bit as sickeningly sweet as if that were the case. It’s so sweet that you almost want to brush your teeth after every sip to keep them from falling out. The fact that it turns your teeth yellow certainly doesn’t help matters. In fact, it’s so syrupy that when I poured the remainder of a glass of it into the sink, it left a yellow syrup film on the glass. I couldn’t even bring myself to finish a full 8 oz. can of the vile stuff. Between Jolayne and myself we only drank maybe half a can. The good news is that it comes in just a 4 can pack, but the bad news is that it’s still 3 12 cans too many. I expected better from Jones Soda really. The only people that I could imagine liking this would be hyperactive 12 year olds but they’d probably drink straight corn syrup anyway. My only hope is that this can serve as a warning to stop someone else from making the same mistake. Don’t let this unspeakable terror claim another victim.


Comment by Dan on 2005-09-18 09:08:00 +0000

I will give the can design some props though. If you’re a fan of black cherry, keep a look out for Doc Browns Black Cherry Soda (both regular and diet). Mighty tasty.